I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
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