At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
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