my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
