I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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