i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
