my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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