he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
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