Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
