he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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