What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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