I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Operation Purity has been aborted
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
We are all done wearing pants today
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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