Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
