Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
