my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
