she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
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