An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
