Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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