oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
