I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
