Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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