My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
