I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
