is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
