I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
