i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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