Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
