do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
