you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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