Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
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