Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
