You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
