dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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