the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
