I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
