I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
