I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
