she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
