Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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