i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
