So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i came on her dog
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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