we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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