I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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