I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
