so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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