I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
