I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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