I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
