If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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