So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
