I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
