I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
