dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Bring me that man meat
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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