Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize