I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
