Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
