I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
