I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
