ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
its not stalking. its research.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
