so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
