Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
