I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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