what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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