So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
