I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
