I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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