We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
