Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
