Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
