ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
